There’s no getting away from the headlines about the cost of living crisis. As adults, we may struggle to understand the ins and outs of the situation, but what is it like for young people?
“Children know about it – they are not oblivious,” says Childline counsellor Rachel Boycott-Garnett. “They may also be less able to speak openly about challenges they are facing.”
The NSPCC’s Childline service is there to listen to the worries of young people and is already dealing with calls relating to financial concerns. One caller, Abby*, 13, said: “Everything was going well before Covid. Since then, both my parents lost their jobs and they’ve been getting by on money from the government and food vouchers from my school. My parents try to act positive, saying everything will be fine – but I overheard them crying last night, so I think they might be depressed. I feel so sorry for mum and dad ‘cos I know they work so hard. I just want things to go back to normal.”
Abby’s experience highlights how important it is for parents to have conversations with their children about the cost of living crisis – here are 10 tips on how adults can talk to the children in their lives about the subject …
Be clear
There are lots of emotions to tackle on both sides, but Adeniyi Alade, a service head for Childline in Scotland, emphasises the need to make sure the child knows they “are not a drain or a burden, or responsible for the challenges we might be facing”.
It may be as simple as letting the child know that a treat, which used to happen every weekend, can now only happen once a month because “mummy has to save a bit of money” and not because they have done something wrong.
Be open
While there is a parental instinct to hide the truth about your financial situation from your children, Alade advises against this: “Because we are trying to shield them from the reality of what’s going on, we think they can’t understand. But if we’re open and honest about the reality of the situation, be clear in saying: ‘You can’t do one thing, but this is the alternative.’”
Encourage questions
Conversation encourages trust, which will build in your relationship when your child feels their concerns are being taken seriously.
While for some young people the adult may have to take the lead in starting up a conversation, other children may have an endless list of questions, and that should be encouraged. Alade explains: “For those asking questions, we should be providing the right answer and not just brush it aside as something they shouldn’t worry about.
“It’s out there. They hear about these things. We should encourage them to talk and to trust us.”
Invest time and attention
It sounds obvious, but not all activities require spending. Paid-for clubs can be replaced by alternatives. “Is it one that we ourselves could get involved with? And it then becomes a shared activity with the young person,” says Alade. Parents or carers getting together to organise group activities for children is also an option.
Pick the right time
Whether your child chooses to internalise their worries and keep quiet or become overly aggressive, Alade advises: “It’s about parents not getting frustrated, about picking the right moment where things won’t blow up into an argument.”
He suggests posing questions such as “What’s going on?” and “How are you feeling?”, “just being open and reassuring that we’re not going to get angry or frustrated with them”.
Use language that’s appropriate
Having a chat with a five-year-old is not going to be the same as a heart-to-heart conversation with your teenager. Remind yourself of the language and pace you usually use when speaking to your children. Use language appropriate to their age group and their level of understanding. “It’s about changing the pace, identifying the right time and the right place to have these conversations,” says Alade.
Make children part of the solution
There are ways that allow the child to feel they are making a difference without laying the burden of responsibility for the financial situation on them. Alade suggests you “get them to recognise that they are part of the solution as well”, whether it’s turning off lights in empty rooms or getting changed quickly while the heating is on. “To know that they’re contributing to the solution will go a long way.”
Find the positive angle
It’s important to find the positives wherever possible, focusing on the fact that this is hopefully a temporary situation. For example, while having to visit a food bank may be demoralising for an adult, it means there’s food on the table and “ultimately the child doesn’t know any difference”, Alade says. “Talk about it in a positive light: ‘This has been such a helpful thing to get this food, which means that I don’t have to spend money on it. Aren’t those guys in the food bank fantastic?’
“That way we get our young people not to take on the pressures that we are feeling.”
Pause
Be prepared to pause and listen. Alade suggests allowing children to talk to us at their own pace and not be tempted to “come up with solutions right away”.
“Because we want to make things better straight away, we don’t give them enough time to talk about what things are like for them.”
Showing that you’ve taken time to think about what has been said will allow trust to grow, explains Alade.
Don’t wait for help
If you feel your child is bottling up their feelings, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. Alade says: “If you notice something more serious like self-harm and they say: ‘no’, drop it and pick the right opportunity and ask again.
“Talk to them about what you’ve noticed in a way that they feel your concern and not that you’re about to have a go at them for doing something wrong. It’s about communicating to them that you want to help, you want to understand and you want to offer support.”
* Quotes are based on real Childline service users but are not necessarily direct quotes. All names and potentially identifying details have been changed to protect the identity of the child or young person involved.
Help support young people struggling with the impact of the cost of living crisis by donating to NSPCC today